Once I had left that Cherry Blossom garden and parted ways with her, I knew that she would be sitting there somewhere going through that diary I had given her.
I had uttered only one very common word that people use when they leave each other, for a day or forever.
Life is a very complicated phenomenon, how we expect things to happen don’t usually turn out the same way. The people we feel for in our hearts might not always be by our side throughout our lives.
I had anticipated the outcome of today since long. I knew before this first encounter that the wind had carried a clear message for us for this day and I had followed that message.
I knew when she asked me about that riddle of the goal post that she herself had made it up and that my answer was exactly what was hers. Why she had asked me about it was also very certain, she was putting the last piece of puzzle in it’s place. Even though she was sure, it was just a satisfaction she wanted for herself. One year ago when she had said “I am fond of you” in response to my “I adore you”, I had known that she, just like me was not using the word love because it was still in the process of testing.
When tonight, I saw in her eyes the anticipation, the fear of adieu, I knew that she had predicted this long ago too.
When two people think alike, they have no secrets but a lot of fears. Fear of their thoughts getting exposed, fear of being not able to lie, fear of being caught and fear of losing the other person.
Even though having a profound level of understanding between two people is what a successful relationship looks like, but each relationship must have a space otherwise the friction can damage it. I am not saying that fear of being caught, or being not able to hide anything is what causes the friction. These things shouldn’t even happen in the first place in a relationship, therefore what I am saying is that a relationship which is as open and clear as an ocean, is in jeopardy.
I had thought long and hard as to what to give to her as a parting gift. This was the diary I had kept to write the secrets of love in. The 5 secrets that I had wished to discover which I have to admit that I haven’t been successful or maybe the action I had taken was in fact one of those secrets? I didn’t know.
I had managed to give my explanation in a way that would leave no questions but just answers. Hence, with a heavy heart I had written a note for her that said:
a relationship so beautiful,
is tarnished by fears.
I will tolerate
not being able to see you again
but I will not bear
the termite of fear
eating away our bodies and souls,
Lying down in her bed this night, she had opened the same page of his diary and going through the same poem, she had decided to give it one last look and let go.
This was it. This was the time. Some things in life are never meant to be because they are beautiful in the present and their consequences are fatal. Because some relationships cannot be risked for a future that is so unpredictable. Because some relationships should end when they leave the most amazing experiences in our lives.
With that, she closed the diary, put it in the shelf among the other untouched books, and pulling the sheets over her, she went into a peaceful sleep like she never had since the night they had parted.