Lately I have been noticing quite weird body languages that compelled me to write this post. I have been seeing people making efforts to somehow be part of the group where, though they don’t belong but would rather stay, than be alone.
Walking alone, feeling awkward? I asked this question from some of the people around me, especially university going awaam. Let us explore some of the reasons that they have pointed out:
1. Feel safe and less targeted:
Since routine site of a university campus comprises of friends in groups, so any one walking alone might automatically catch attention. Moreover, many people keep a check on how others dress and carry themselves, so the lonely person might feel more conscious and insecure.
2. Being labeled and judged:
Pakistan is a collectivist society. Our culture encourages us to intermingle and interact with one another. A person who is commonly seen as walking alone in corridors may be afraid to be labeled with titles like “loner,” “Forever alone” etc. The person may also be afraid to be judged as one who is not worth hanging around with or isn’t “yo” enough. Because as the famous quote states “You are known by the company you keep”
3. Lack of self-engaging stamina:
Since many of us are not used to of being alone, we have not learned how to occupy ourselves while being alone. In an attempt to be less prominent while being alone, we might actually be driving attention. “I personally feel that this is only judged upon if the person in question is insecure in his body language. It effects on the person and the observer too.” said, Tashin, a final year student.
The “problems” have been mentioned briefly; let us now move towards the solution.
1. Do not feel “awkward”
Try to develop a belief that there is nothing wrong in being alone. Most of the free-thinkers and intellectuals that we know of envisage the art of being alone.
2. Refrain from being the shadow of your friend:
Try to fight the urge to tug at your friend’s sleeve for every time you want to go to washroom or grab a snack or something. Don’t do this especially when your friend is sick or simply doesn’t feel like going out. Don’t ask her to follow you as a shadow everywhere. There are things you can do yourself without troubling the other person.
3. Practice alone time:
Sometimes when we are all into friends 24/7 especially in case of boarding students, we lose the opportunity to have some time alone. This creates a gap in us which keeps on building, hence, we get submerged into the habit of being around people so much that the feeling of being lonely kills us bad. This too goes for the person who is always alone as sometimes he also wants to be around people. So, the point is that if you don’t want to feel awkward being alone, then practice some time in seclusion and you’ll learn how to occupy yourself in those moments.
I may have missed a lot of important points but this was just a starter for analyzing the reasons behind unnecessary beliefs that people and the society as a whole holds. We need to feel confident in who we are and not judge or discourage people on the basis of their consistent habits and nature that they themselves are quite comfortable with.